With everything that was going on in our lives, together we decided that it was time to get married. We had been together for almost 6 years and put off the wedding for numerous reasons. Cold feet, family deaths, even just arguing and thinking that we weren’t ready. However, with a baby on the way in my heart I felt that it was important that we be married when she arrived.
In the state of Texas if the parents are not married when a child is born proof of paternity is required to put the father down on the birth certificate. I felt like it was a bunch of hassle just to claim paternity when we both knew the baby was his. Any who so we talked to our families and decided it was time then set a date.
Around this time we found out the sex of the baby and took engagement photos/ maternity photos. (Best two in one photo session ever)
January 17, 2015 would be the day that I married my best friend; the father of my child.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. Normally my little jelly bean would have been stretching and kicking away. Never resting a moment or giving me a breath. However, for the first time in weeks I woke to no pain in my joints. Freyah moved enough for my heart and mind to know she was there, but did not pain me in any way. It was as if she knew this was the day that I had be waiting for since the day her father asked me to marry him some years before. So at six months pregnant I put on my wedding dress and married the best man I could have ever hoped to fall in love with. As I walked down that isle with parents on either arms I saw him standing there with a look on his face that I’d only seen once before. The same smile was placed upon his face as when I told him we were pregnant.
There was of course some family drama, but realistically what wedding doesn’t have that?
Fast forward a couple months.
Looking back I felt silly for even worrying about my pregnancy considering that I only had mild complications. When I looked down I no longer could see my shoes, instead I saw a big round belly. With only a few weeks left I find myself complacent. The last days of pregnancy, sometimes considered agonizing, are a distinct place in time. An in between stage of being neither here nor there. One foot on the edge of pregnancy another teetering into the ocean of motherhood. Some people refer to this as the, “Time of Zwischen,” or the time of in between. Although I had not gotten my footing yet I knew that within those next few weeks I would eventually emerge on the side of motherhood. With no real knowledge of how to be a mother besides the love that I had already been containing.
This whole experience had been a revelation of all sorts that left me with more questions than answers.