On our First official mothers day together, that isn’t being spent completely exhausted recovering from labor two days prior and being in an adrenaline rush haze, I would like to write a letter to my baby girl.
A couple days ago was the one year anniversary of the day I spent 12.5 hours bringing you into the world. For a while it was just you and me kid. I mean yeah your dad was there every step of the way, and for the most part so were your grandparents (minus PopPop for the actual labor). However, for 9 (almost 10) months it was just you and me. I carried you all on my own and I birthed you on my own. No one could do it for me, it was just you and me. Even after your birth I was the first one who got to hold you. They placed you in my shaking arms as I cried in relief that you were okay. I looked you over and counted your fingers and toes and you looked at me not even crying until they took you from me. Your father held back tears and starred from the bedside. I could tell he wanted you as much as I did but he held back knowing that after the last 12.5 hours of intense labor I needed you. I needed that moment with you.
After that it was still you and I, because it was I that sustained you. I fed you from my breast and changed every diaper (except for the 1st one daddy called dibs lol!). Pound after pound that was all me and you. We struggled together with breastfeeding, we struggled together to communicate, we struggled to make sense of the new world that surrounded us that neither of us felt completely prepared for.
Together we grew and learned more than I ever thought possible. It was I that awoke in the middle of the night to calm your nightmares or fears. It was I that fed you through your sleep hunger and slept with you on my chest because you craved my comfort. I thank every day for that time we spent together. As you grew I would notice you reaching your hand out deliberately or smiling at me not because of gas but because I had finally caught your eye.
Eventually you started rolling and crawling. Your first words came at 3 months Mama and Dada. The day after christmas you began standing and it wasn’t long after that when you started walking. Although these moments are my proudest, they are also filled with some sadness. Its only a matter of time before you’re running and reading on your own and your father is teaching you to ride a bike. Its a matter of time before your dressing yourself and doing your own hair. Which makes me realize that it will only be you and I for a little while longer.
Through this year together you have grown so much and so fast that you are not my little baby any more. You have grown into my little girl and one day you will make a fine young woman. Your smile and laughter brings more light into my life than every star, moon, and sun in the galaxy.
So on this mothers day, our first official mothers day, Im going to be playing with you celebrating the day with the one who makes me a mommy. Smiling and laughing with you. Just you and me, kid.