Long time no write, I supposed I tend to do that every now and then ha ha. For those who don’t have me on social media… SURPRISE! I’m pregnant, AGAIN, with a girl. AGAIN. LOL We decided to try for a boy, but its just pretty obvious that we are meant to be raising little princesses! I am currently 28 weeks with baby Astrid!
I had been meaning to write and catch everyone up on how things are going, but life just seems to constantly carry me away from the keyboard. At last here I am. Whats the one thing on my mind, you ask?
As I am sure that is whats on most of your minds as well. I’ve tried everything I can to stay away from being anxious about it. Cleaning, baking, craft projects with my little’s. NOTHING WORKS. My husband, bless his heart, bought me the new Animal Crossing: New Horizons for my switch and while it has helped occupy my mind for about a week, the game has slowed to almost a grinding halt story line mode, so I’ve been left to let my mind wander again.
[For those of you who are new here, welcome! Please feel free to check out my other posts which chronicle my journey into motherhood with crippling anxiety, it might explain a few things.]
While there are many articles about what you should and shouldn’t do to avoid Covid-19 it just seems like no one really knows what works except isolation. Isolation which is basically impossible when you’re husband is an essential employee in the oil industry (if he goes out he potentially brings it home to me). Not to mention my monthly and about to be bi-weekly appointments with my midwife. I try to limit contact with people and only order grocery pick-up which has been hard on our wallet, but its a necessary move to keep me and my children more protected.
I know some people may not understand why I am so worried about contracting the virus, so let me explain. I have Hashimoto’s an auto-immune disease that attacks my body and organs. For about 10 years how my Hashimoto’s has been pre-occupied with only destroying my thyroid, however a serious virus like this or even just getting bronchitis or pneumonia can cripple my immune system and I have to be put on some pretty strong med’s to try and fix it. On top of that I am pregnant, and no one wants to be positive when they give birth, I’ve heard horror stories about women not being able to even hold their babies for 2 weeks. Its insane to me that I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed my child or even hold her in the first few moments after she leaves my body. Put aside my own problems and enter the biggest one, my husband has asthma. Not just run of the mill asthma, but extreme asthma and chronic bronchitis. We’re lucky he hasn’t lost his job, yet. However, the chance and reality is that we will join the 6.6 million people who have already applied for unemployment and be on a wait list of 3 weeks or more just to be able to feed our family let alone pay the bills.
I know everyone has these fears, this is a pandemic for Pete’s sake! It just really helps for me to write it down and talk about it. Who knows, maybe someone else might be having the same fears or going through the same thing as I am and it helps them. I know just reading about someone else struggling to be a good mother right now or needing to have just a moment without your child makes me feel better. In the three weeks we’ve had no school I haven’t really had any alone time (except for late at night) and unfortunately that doesn’t make me the best mom ever. No alone time makes it really hard to breathe and meditate my way through my anxieties, therefore, it makes me snappy towards my girls. Which isn’t fair to them, because they just want love and affection.
I guess what I am trying to say is, I am struggling, but that its OKAY that I’m struggling. Just like its okay if you’re struggling too during all this craziness that surrounds the world. Remember to try and find some time for yourself at night before bed, in the shower, or even just do your hair and make-up (Even if you have no where to go) because taking a little time out for yourself is what is going to get you through this forced social distancing and isolation.
Remember if you CAN stay at home, do so. If you CAN’T, please take precautions to protect your family like wearing a mask and stripping your clothes off once you get home to put them in the wash, then shower. Wash your hands as often as possible and sanitize when you cant! Its the little things that will help flatten this curve, because everyone doing their part is whats going to get us through this pandemic.
p.s. here are some photos of an impromptu bluebonnet session we did down the road from our house lol